Expectations…

 

Most people know I’m a “Jeans and T” kind of guy…  As much as I love fashion and even love how I look when I get all dressed up, if I could throw on a pair of jeans, a T-Shirt and a pair of Converse, I would be in hog heaven…  Here recently I was promoted at work…  The position is more demanding, requires me to be in multiple meetings a week, and it is one that is more visible to people who aren’t in our department…  Just this morning I began to notice how in some regards I’ve stepped up my appearance…  Not that I look bad before, but I’m taking somewhat more time in the morning thinking through what I’m going to wear…  Everyone around has remained the same, but I’ve changed…

Being honest with not only myself, but you…  Subconsciously I convinced myself into believing this is what is either required or expected of me… I convinced myself that I’m expected to wear slacks, either a polo or button down shirt and some days, even a blazer or sports coat…  No one told me this, it’s just an added pressure I believe I’ve placed on myself…  I’m the only overdressed guy on the team every day… Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with dressing up, but if it goes against the core of who you are, then there may be an issue there… As stated earlier, I’m a jeans guy… I’m laid back and I work in a laid back environment, but as soon as I received the promotion, I changed to fit in to a perception of what I thought I should be…

Now where am I going with this you’re wondering…  Well many of you have changed because of the expectations you believe has been placed on you.  It’s funny how when we get into relationships, we feel as though we can’t do the things we did when we were single, so we deprive ourselves…  How when we accept Jesus as our personal Lord and Savior, we feel we can no longer go to places we enjoyed, so we stop and later secretly resent ever committing to Christ because we feel we’re missing out on life…  How about when people get married, they believe it’s a requirement or expectation they can no longer deal with their single friends, so they cut them off (Click HERE to read more)

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Why Men Are More Successful At Finding “The One”…

 

So last night I was a guest on “When Black Men Talk” Radio Show… The host was extraordinary, questions were well thought out, and the dialogue was off the charts…  It’s just something about Men, regardless of the color of their skin, truthfully talking about things that have shaped us to into the extraordinary people we are today…  So one of the questions asked was “Do women and men date differently?”…  Now I’ve talked about this before in a post, however today I want to go deeper into why I believe men are more successful at finding “The One”…

My belief has nothing to do with the ratio of single women to single men, nor does it have anything to do with the number of men who are promiscuous, on the “Down Low”, in prison, on drugs, uneducated, or unemployed…  Men are just better at dating and the number of men compared to the number of women who find their soul mate, proves it…  Because of this truth that so many of you reading doubt, more women are questioning their smarts, gifts, worth, and whether or not they will ever get married…

So here are two reasons “Why Men Are More Successful At Finding “The One””…

“Men search for “The One” based on a list which includes their “Don’t Want” whereas women create a list of “Must Haves””…   It’s true, men in most cases look for a woman who lacks the negative qualities of their ex… If their ex was overbearing, negative, a constant nagger, lacked a sexual appetite, more than (Click HERE to read more)

You’re Still The Same…

 

Have you ever ran into your “Ex” and later that evening received the ole “Hey, it was good seeing you today!” text message?   Out of courtesy and not wanting to appear bitter, you respond “You too!”… However before you could take your finger off the send button, he/she responds with more chitter chatter attempting to start a conversation????  Now again they’re your “EX”…  The two of you broke up for whatever reason; both of you have moved on with life, so why out of nowhere are they trying to act as though you’re friends???

Trust me when I say I understand how we somethings get caught up in the sensation of the moment???  We find ourselves reminiscing on the great times and what could have been???  But the relationship is over and the last time you checked, it wasn’t because you did something…  But let’s add another twist to the plot, THEY’RE NOW IN A RELATIONSHIP…You could easily fall into the trap of seeking to find out what’s going on or wrong in their relationship….  You could easily fall into the trap of talking with him/her to see if they’re wanting to come back to you…  You could even fall into the trap of sleeping and entertaining him/her to make their “Next” feel like your “Ex” made you feel…  But you could also easily not fall into the trap, end the conversation, and ask him/her to leave you the hell alone…

You see in this situation there’s two things happening simultaneously…  There’s a “revelation of who they are” as well as a “test of who you are” going on at the same time…  They’re testing to see (Click HERE to read more)

You Haven’t Earned My Name…

So I have this buddy who completely adores his girl against all odds…  Both family and friends have encouraged him to leave her alone, but he loves her so much he continues to give her chance after chance…  Even through all of the emotional roller coaster she places him on, the drama she brings into his life and even through all of the times she’s publicly embarrassed him on Social Media, in his heart he hopes she would one day get it together…

He’s invested in her, sees the potential of what could be and because she’s an amazing mother, he’s hopes they can eventually become a big ole happy family…  She wants to be married and he wants to marry her, BUTTTTT she hasn’t earned his name…  Yeah I said it, SHE HASN’T EARNED HIS NAME (Did you hear me this time???)…  So I know you’re probably cursing me out right about now, but those of you women who so desperately want to be married, are you worthy of wearing a man’s name???  Are you worthy of being called “Mrs. Doe”???  Or will your man continue to get the benefits of a wife and later drop you like a Girlfriend???

Many of you reading this post today are giving your boyfriends the benefits of a wife and you don’t even have a ring…  You’re going far and beyond the call of duty, but you’re frustrated because he hasn’t popped the question…  Well let me ask you this Wifey…  Is what (Click HERE to read more)

“Love” Is An All Or Nothing Kind Of Thing…

An excerpt from “Naked”

Truth:  You deserve to be loved…

Here’s the truth…

With the complexity of dating, game players and the fear of being alone, many people both men and women have found themselves involved with someone who’s currently in a committed relationship.

They’ve taken on the role of the “Other Woman”, “Sponsor”, “Mistress”, “Sugar Daddy”, “Side Chic” and many other names in which can describe someone  who is on the outside of the relationship.   Many were aware from the start, yet there are those who are now trapped in a situation in which their feelings make it hard to unlock chains holding them bondage to a situation that can possibly lead to disaster.

There are hidden dangers as well as visible dangers that so many fail to see while involved in these types of situations.  The most overlooked danger is the person on the outside will never be number one, and in most situations the party who’s currently involved in the relationship says things like “If I could leave, I would”, “I’m trying to figure out a way to break it off”, or “I can’t leave because…..”  only to keep the key to the chains.

The truth is… Loving someone can be hard at times, but loving someone who belongs to someone else is harder.  Because humans are emotional beings, there are moments when feelings block views of reality.  Love is an “ALL OR NOTHING” feeling, and it starts with the individual.  If you don’t love yourself first, you will settle for what appears to be love from someone else.

I’ve learned over the years people are taught how to treat us through our actions, not our words.  Staying with someone who is involved with someone else, only communicates “you’re okay with it”.  Walking away may be hard, but staying is only harder.  Do you love you? Are you okay with being the other person?  Or are you willing to love yourself to unlock the chains and walk away?  You deserve love, so start loving yourself…

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