Why “Time To Heal” Is Needed After A Relationship

Mary J. Blige

I’m so excited about today’s song because I believe the lyrics speak to where a lot of you are today…  Mary J. is back and if the song I’ve chosen is an indication of the entire CD, I predict multiple Grammy’s for her.  I’ve never purchased or been a huge Mary J. fan, but she has just won me over…  Check our Peauxetic Expressions review; click “Mary J. Review”

Today, I want to break down the lyrics to “Whole Damn Year”.  This song speaks to those of you who may have just come out of what can be considered a “Bad Relationship”.  Throughout the song, Mary J. sings about how it took a whole year to repair her body (life), trust again, and allow someone else into her heart.  The standout stanza is actually at the very beginning of the song

That’s how deep the pain is

Oh you just couldn’t believe

And yes it seems good on the surface

But I’m a mess underneath

Winter took most of my heart

Spring punched me right in the stomach

Summer came looking for blood

And by autumn I was left with nothing

It took a whole damn year to repair my body, it’s been a bad five years

Gonna take a long year for me to trust somebody

Gonna take a long year for me to touch somebody, it’s been a bad five years


All I can say is, WOW….  One of the biggest mistakes we sometimes make when coming out of a relationship is not taking time to heal.  Whether it was a “good” or “bad” relationship, time is needed to analyze, examine, focus and repair ourselves.  It has been said the easiest way to get over someone is to find someone new…  As a result of this type of thinking,  there are so many hurt and broken people on the dating scene.  Never allowing the proper and much needed time to heal left them with a scabbed (façade, games, etc.) covered wound (heart) – (Yes it seems good on the surface, but I’m a mess underneath).

Time, whether it’s a month, year, or 2 – 5 years should be taken after coming out of a relationship.  Side Note:  Just because the relationship you just left could be perceived as a “good” relationship, time is still needed to examine.  If you’re not in it any longer, something was wrong.  Was it you?  Him/her? Whatever the cause of the breakup, take time to examine the situation to avoid it in the future.

So let’s talk about “bad relationship’s”… Now I’ve been in a few of these before and I must tell you, these lyrics describe it perfectly….  While “in” or “coming out” of a bad relationship, you go through seasons of emotions… One minute you’re hurt, the next angry, the next an emotional wreck, the next moment you feel it hurt so bad you’ve been punched not only in the stomach, but the face as well…  After you’ve been a passenger on this emotional roller coaster for months or possibly years, you finally reach the place of “Emotional Depletion” (autumn).  You’re numb to love, happiness, and joy…  You’re emotionally drained and putting up a fight seems impossible, you have nothing.

So why is “time” crucial?  Well because if it’s a bad relationship you’re coming out of, YOU’RE DAMAGED GOODS…   If it’s a “good” relationship you’re coming out of, there’s a possibility as well, YOU’RE DAMAGED GOODS…  Allowing yourself time to heal only benefits you in the future…   Jumping into a new relationship doesn’t fix the problem; it only delays the healing process and occupies your mind.  The danger of a rebound is you invite a completely innocent person into your mess.  Because you haven’t healed, you’re (Click “Time” to read more)


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